Mask
by Kiyiamayu
Summary: According to his Shadow, Yosuke Hanamura acts 'carefree and happy-go-lucky' because he's afraid of being alone. Why did he feel the need to create that facade in the first place? And what are some of his thoughts on what his Shadow told him? Short character study.


**Mask**

**Hello! ^-^ Today I was really bored so I decided that I would experiment with my writing. This is more of a character study for Yosuke, since he's actually my favourite character from Persona 4. I over-exaggerated a ton of what his Shadow said, and decided to add a little info on Yosuke's past. Kind of sob-storyish but I still like how this turned out. I'm sure many people have already done something similar to this but, hey, it was fun to write. =P So...Enjoy!**

* * *

_**How long are you going to keep deluding yourself?**_

"_**You're not me! You can't be me!"**_

* * *

For Yosuke, it was all true – what his Shadow had said. He had tried to deny everything, afraid of what his new, cool friend would think of him. Afraid to acknowledge that he was just a coward; literally scared of his own shadow, of what he would find hidden in the very depths of his own mind _(like his_ _tears and grief and pain...)_ Afraid that Souji would leave him too, despise him for secretly using the excuse of Saki-senpai's death _(she hated him too, just like them)_ to find the excitement he so desperately craved in his boring life. Excitement he wanted _(needed)_ just to selfishly obstruct the horrible thoughts that would creep into his mind telling him he _(is useless pathetic should just end it all because who would care?) _ because he was (_is and always will be)_ alone.

* * *

_**The more the merrier, right? **_

_**You've gotta be surrounded by people to block out the pain of isolation.**_

"_**What're you saying...? That's not true, I-"**_

* * *

He could never stand being ignored _(hated despised shunned.)_ He had been a content child when he was younger, trying his very best to make friends. Friends who wouldn't leave him because they thought he was "stupid" or hate him because he was "just so damn irritating." Yosuke had thought he'd found a true friend, maybe something more, when he met Saki Konishi. He'd been wrong, of course, like he had been for his entire life.

"I always wanted to tell Hana-chan... **that he was a real pain in the ass**."

That had hurt him more than he let on. He felt like crying at that moment for the genuine _(real, completely true, happy) _smiles that had slowly, but surely, bled through his fake demeanour every time he saw and talked to her. Every _damn _smile _(that she didn't deserve to see because she faked all of hers...!) _that felt like weights were being lifted off his shoulders. Smiles that felt like _acceptance._

"I-It's a lie... This can't be..."

But it was true, and he was betrayed.

"Senpai's not like that...!"

Denial. Denial that crushed him when he painfully realized that his words meant nothing; his words could never change the cold, bitter truth that he was hated. Hated and despised by practically everyone who saw his 'smiling' face.

* * *

_**You put on a good show of being carefree and happy-go-lucky 'cause you're so terrified of being alone.**_

"_**That's not true... Stop... Stop it..."**_

* * *

It happened mostly at school, even back when he was living in the big city. He'd make friends, friends who seemed to enjoy his company. But then he'd overhear the _(cold hurtful) _words they'd say about him behind his back, which would often float around the school and linger there like a bad odour _(tinged with his very own sadness and their __**fucking lies**__) _while people shunned him. It hurt _(like a crushing wave of excruciating shame and sadness and unbidden confusion and embarrassment - (What's wrong with me?) _Annoyed and disgusted gazes, all aimed at him.

_(Did I do something wrong?)_ Mocking laughter, echoing throughout the halls.

"Hey did you hear about that Hanamura kid?"

Whispers.

"You mean that stupid-looking creep with that goofy grin on his face all the time?"

(_I'm right here...) _

"Yeah, that's him! I can't believe he tried to talk to Mizuki-kun this morning! How retarded can he get?"

_(Shut up...) _

"Hah, yeah, I heard about that. What a loser."

_(SHUT UP!) _

He always wants to yell, no, _scream _at them to mind their own business, to just leave him alone... but he can't. He doesn't and he never does. Somehow, in a twisted way, he craves the attention because at least _someone _is thinking of him. At least someone recognizes he exists other then his parents.

* * *

_(**Pretend** like **nothing's wrong** when you know that **everything is**) _

**Smile!**

_(**Pretend** like **their words,** that **sting **like a thousand angry bees **don't bother you**.) _

**Laugh!**

_(**Hide** behind that **facade** you've created and **deflect their comments** with that same stupid **grin** that everyone makes fun of.) _

**Joke!**

_(**Pretend** you have people who **care about you** and will never **abandon you**.)_

**Wink!**

_(**Cry **when **no one's around** to see your **pain and weakness.**)_

**Chuckle!**

_(**Use** your very own **persona** you've conjured up to** lie to yourself**. Lie and** believe** that you are truly** happy **with **what you are. Happy **with** living a false life.**)_

* * *

_Keep your act up, Yosuke, and stay within its cool, false embrace, sheltering yourself from the world and the people in it. Don't let them see your inner turmoil and sorrow. Don't let them see your tears._

_After all, it's just a mask._

**_But..._**

* * *

"Let's keep at it, so we can live every day with a smile...Leader."

* * *

_**Masks can shatter.**_

_**. . .**_


End file.
